dsc02281So look.

Mom went away AGAIN.

Yeah, like, what the heck is Mom doing going away again??  She left me here with Dad and Twinkie and the lady downstairs.  Look, they’re all okay but they are definitely not like Mom.  Dad is all screaming at the TV and saying something about BIG POPPI and Mister Papelbon not doing something right.  Dad went off about the Stinkin’ Yanks.  I’m guessing he was grouchy cuz Mom wasn’t around, but he just won’t admit it.  And Twinkie, well she just sits on top of the heater doing nothing all day long and the lady in the other room doesn’t always have her door open for me  (something about my tail wiping her stuff off the table).

So Mom was gone and I got B.O.R.E.D. and what’s a golden retriever to do when he’s bored?  I’ll tell you what it is I do when I’m bored,

I

LICK!

What do I lick?  I lick me!  My elbows are officially raw and I have managed to remove all the hair from my haunches.  And you know what, it makes me thirsty.

thirsty

So I drink.  I lick and then I drink and then I lick some more.  Why not?  I’m not getting the loving I’m used to when Mom is here, and I’m not getting on the counters like I used to, I stopped using the neighbors yard as a toilet, I no longer bark like a fool when a car approaches the driveway I deserve a little something good. Licking is good.

jump4joyAnyway~  Mom came home, and I jumped for joy when I first saw her and then I promptly stretched out in front of her to show her what a good job I’d done removing all the hair from my underbelly.  She must have been pleased because her eyes got really huge (I thought they were tennis balls for a minute) an then she turned around and walked away.

She’s shaking her head and saying something about addiction.  He he.  Okay Mom, yeah, I’m addicted to licking myself.  I can quit when I want, if I want.  I am not addicted to licking it’s just a habit.

Maybe a little hypnosis is in order.  We’ll see.