at-home-with-lewpunk

It’s me, Lewis.  Mom says I need to get over myself and introduce some of the family.  Rude.  But okay, I’ll play along.  Today you meet my cousin. He’s a hoomerweener.  Uh, whoomerhiner.  He’s a, uh, weenywhiner. 

Mom’s glaring at me.

Otto  is a Blue Weimeraner.

otto-be-suprised

This is Otto.  In case you didn’t notice, I’ll tell you, he’s blue.  Yes.  Blue.  When Mom talks about Otto her voice goes up an octave and she talks all sweetly and says it’s her “Grand-wuppy”.    See, Otto belongs to Mom’s daughter.  The daughter is named Miss Muffet and the dog is named Otto and Otto is blue.  Can you feel my frustration around this?

Miss Muffet and Otto live in Sin City (just left of Maine) with someone named Lyle.  I haven’t figured out who Lyle is except that he belongs to Miss Muffet. 

Mom’s eyes leak when she talks about these people.  My eyes leak when I have to hear about it. 

Back to Otto.  He  is tall and thin and gangly.  He’s a big baby if you ask me.  He sleeps on Miss Muffets bed, he has his “all-natural” dog food served in a raised dish so his scrawny neck won’t ache when he has to chew. 

pretty-otto

Doesn’t he just look like some royal blue king?  Yeah, right.  He’s blue.  Dogs just shouldn’t be blue and velvety.  I mean, really, you call that fur?? 

Anyway, my cousin Otty, from Sin City is moving back to the country soon and we’ll be barking it up in no time.  I’ll have to be careful that I don’t hurt his skinny city-boy figure or Mom is sure to be upset.

Otto is okay as far as cousin’s go, but he’s not Gold and he’s no Golden Dog. If you want some real gold:

GOLDEN DOG RECOMMENDS buying gold.